You do You, I'll do Beyonce

You do you, and I will do me. It’s a mantra for how we should all live our lives. Not getting caught up in other people’s “stuff”; their intentions, their insecurities and the DRAMA. I will make a solemn promise to take care of my own “stuff”, and you can take care of your respective “stuff”, and we will all be better off in the end. This theory doesn’t by any means imply that I don’t care. Compassion and empathy are very different from going down another person’s rabbit hole.  When we allow ourselves to be pulled in to another person’s “stuff” we can end up in a reality that feels dark, wrong, or just plain ill fitting. 

We have all woken up in that rabbit hole at one time or another.  Picture receiving what you interpret to be an aggressive email or text.  Not passive aggressive, or even stern - just plain nasty.  How easy is it to ruminate on that email all day and let the intent of that email, whatever it was, live with you like a virus?  Your initial impulse may have been to fight back with an equally aggressive email, or maybe you felt like running back to bed, and then chose to write that email in your head for the next 24 hours.  Doing that other person instead of yourself took you out of the present moment, out of your own body, and you got stuck fighting a fight that wasn’t yours to begin with.  Bam.  Cue Oprah throwing her hands up in the air, tossing her relatively large head to the side with a knowing nod, and saying “that was an aha moment”.

It’s not easy.  Sometimes I would much rather do Beyonce than me.  No one sends aggressive emails to Beyonce, and if they did she would be on a yacht with Blue and J enjoying her perfectly windblown hair, or busting out an amazing dance move with her harem of equally coordinated and beautiful girlfriends. Oh Bey, let’s hang out.  You doing you is a constant practice.  Like yoga, it takes discipline, and mindfulness and breath…and maybe a little red wine once in a while.  But I will choose to come to my mat and practice breathing; I will choose to create space so that I can recognize when that pull toward another person’s rabbit hole arises.  And most importantly I will choose to practice being me.