The Routine, the Restructuring and the Rebuild…
Routine comforts me. It feels like a warm blanket and cup of tea on a cold day. I’ve had the same breakfast every day for about five years in a row, and I STILL love peanut butter toast as much today as I did that day five years ago when I got crazy and switched from peanut butter on an english muffin. So, you can imagine my confusion when, just a few months ago, I was restructured out of a job that I had been working at for a very long time. Mind blown. Routine interrupted.
I got to thinking - because I now had time to schedule in some thinking - about the difference between routine and habit…in particular, a bad habit. There is such a thing as being too comfy. Certain physical and emotional cues letting you know it’s time to cut and run are ignored. You convince yourself you are staying for the sake of family, security, responsibility, history, etc. It’s a pattern that shows up in many people’s lives, including me. I’m thinking specifically about the guy that was supposed to be my temporary high school rebound boyfriend; fast forward to him dumping ME just before my 21st birthday. This is exactly what losing my job felt like. It was a bad relationship, which I thought about leaving ALL of the time, and then they ended up dumping me…ME!
The rebuild has been interesting. I started a company. I have a brand. In my gut I know this is exactly what I want to do. At the same time, I also recognize how for someone like me who craves routine, the line between routine and habit is impermanent. There are some days I still crave an office, and I crave a steady paycheque (I miss you Sephora Platinum Status). On those days, the line is faded at best. Fear is what fades the line. Fear keeps us stuck in routines that no longer serve us.
I have recommitted to the part of my yoga practice that is less about mastering fancy arm balances, and more about listening to the voice in my head. Yoga actually turns up the volume on that voice, because when I get on the mat and slow down, things around me get quieter. At some point in my life, I know that once again my mind will be blown, and my routine will be interrupted. Who knows, I may even get crazy and switch back to peanut butter on english muffins. Until then, I will be reconnecting to my inner voice - on the mat.